Ready for Normal

So .. I was thinking today that my last few blog entries have not been very funny .. I guess my life over the last few weeks hasn't been very funny .. I seem to be walking around in a daze .. I feel like I lost my sense of humor somewhere and don't know where to look for it and I'm not even sure if I have the energy anyway .. I'm beat .. My son is healthy and safe but I am beat .. My mom made a comment during one of her weekend visits that she didn't think that she would ever be the same after Zach's accident .. That makes me sad .. but in a way I kinda feel the same .. Everyday those horrible memories run in and out of the back of my mind .. I don't think I am ever going to be the same either .. I think I will always hold on to my boys a second longer than I used to when they hug and kiss me goodbye or goodnight .. I think that I will be less annoyed by the millions of little annoying things that they do .. The day before Zach's accident I completed a course that deemed me to be a "Certified Life Coach" .. HA!! .. The very next day my entire life collapsed in all around me .. Any plans for my I had for my future were immediately brushed aside and sitting here typing this now I can honestly say I don't even remember what they were .. That makes me feel a little sad because I need to know what those plans were .. I need to move forward and be the woman that I was working on being before this happened ..  I feel a little sad today because my son wants to go to school tomorrow morning and he can't .. He can't because he has a broken leg that has left him disabled for at least another 8 weeks .. My son won't be able to show his stuff on the Ramsey football field tomorrow night because in a moment of "playing around" he was run over by a damn 4 wheeler .. In a split second everything changed .. I want to be grateful and on most days I am .. but when I'm tired and the day has been long .. When I'm alone with myself to think .. I'm pissed .. I'm pissed because somewhere .. someone .. thinks it's okay to "gossip" about at 12 year old getting run over .. I am furious because the little boy that ran over him gets to get up tomorrow and go to school .. he will come home and get to play outside with his friends .. and my son will spend another day at the house .. mad and frustrated because bones don't heal overnight .. being mad will not make anything better in fact it will  most likely make us both feel worse but today .. I am pissed!! Ugh .. What a miserable way to feel .. I hope everyday will be better than the last and usually it is .. My son is so healthy and doing so well .. He is a little walking miracle .. I am never going to be the mom I was before his accident because I am working every single day to be a better mom .. I guess I should apologize to anyone who has noticed that I'm not the same .. I'm more quiet .. reserved .. forgetful and clumsy .. I am never really focused on what I am doing or saying because in the back of my mind I am worrying and thinking about my baby boy .. I am sorry to my husband .. my mother .. my bosses and co-workers .. my awesome friends and family and even my lil angels Zach and Josh .. I am distracted .. I am trying in my own way to sort things out and get back on track .. I am working on myself everyday .. silently working on myself everyday .. Please forgive me for being so selfish right now .. I am sorry for not being the person I promised you that I would be .. I am ready for "normal" .. And I know everyone else is too ..